Approval Addiction Overcoming Your Need to Please


Do you live under a burden of guilt and blame…feeling racket, unworthy, and insecure? Are you a people-pleaser, always looking for the approval of others, does this sounds familiar?


Your family is pressuring you into marriage. Growing up every girls dream was to walk down the aisle. Thinking about the moment makes your cheeks glow. Picture yourself in a Cinderella gown and beautiful pumps. My dreams are with stilettos! As you walk down the aisle everyone smiles and says, “Oh, she’s beautiful!” And your prince stands tall watching his princess come to the throne to be by his side.

Meanwhile life goes on! You graduate from high school. You move away and attend college. This is modern day madness. You have your career on your mind and goals to complete. Realty steps in! “You realize you don’t want to get married” you want to focus on your dreams first.

You dread going home on the holidays because your family is constantly on your case. When are you going to settle down and get married, have kids? Meanwhile you have your unhappy aunt tapping you on your shoulder telling you,” take your time… it ain’t what you expect it to be! Then your mom responds. Marriage is what you make it. Looking down at your aunt, she glancing back up at your uncle. You set back, glance at your watch wishing the day was over so you can leave. “And then simply explain, again.” I’m not ready for marriage! “I’m focus on my career, right now!”

Unfortunately! Marriage isn’t for everyone. Marriage can be a beautiful experience. Although, there’s no set schedule for marriage- if it’s meant to happen, it will when it’s supposed to.

If you have your own goals, that you would like to achieve before you take on other responsibility. This is your choice. No one should be pressured into doing something that they aren’t ready to do, or even having second thoughts about doing.

It’s just plain ridiculous to get married or have kids because others are constantly pressuring you. Take a stand and do what you believe in, this is your life you control your journey. We have to take time to love ourselves. Only then, will you be able to love others.

Don’t let people or certain types of programming cover up who you really are? In other words, your “true self” should be the only voice you react to. So, no matter what you go through in life, remember that you always have options; marriage and kids could or could not be one of them. It’s totally up to you. You have your entire lifetime to make the decision. Don’t ever make decision under pressure. It is easier to plan for a dream than it is to walk in the dream of others.

Breaking The Approval Addition

I express my views about living life on your terms because at one time in my life I was suffering from approval addiction. I was emotional wounded and caught in a unshakable degree of self pity. I had been hurt and wounded by people who were difficult to please. 

I made every choice based on how I thought it would gain the approval of others. There was just one choice that I decided to make on my own. That was becoming a stay at home mom. After making this choice I was critized and judged for having children and staying home with them. Crazy I know! Can you really see someone boldly asking when are you going to get a job and stop having all those kids. Or telling you they aren't coming to another birth. I had folks saying dang you're pregnant again! You would have thought I was the mom on cheaper by the dozen. Or better yet asking them for money or help babysitting. I had only two kids at the time. I never asked anyone for help. My husband and I did it all alone with my mothers help. I have four children total and you would have thought I had a basketball team the way I was treated. 

The decision of becoming a stay at home mom was based on a strong desire I held as a child. In conjunction to the season I was in at that time. Many stay at home moms choose to stay home because it makes financial sense based on their low income and the high price of childcare. As for me I grew up with childhood abandonment issues. My mother left me to live with my grandmother to pursue her career as a Florida Highway Patrol Officer. She did not intentionally choose to cause abandonment issues within my life. She thought it was safer for me to live with my grandmother opposed to going to school in Miami. This choice affected my perception in life and cause many self worth issues. I was not told why my mother left when I asked why I couldn't live with her. I was just told she was working. A five year old child can't understand why she doesn't have a father and now her mother is gone. On top of that my cousin  would tell me that I was not loved or wanted that's why I didn't live with my mother. I visited her each summer. Eventually, I learned the truth but the seed was already planted. 

 I knew from childhood that I would get married, have kids,  and a family of my own. Putting my children in daycare was never an option for me because of the way I was raised. Attending college and being so young when I had my first child made financial sense to stay home while I completed my degree. Being criticize and judging for my choice was something I was not prepared for. I couldn't believe that some one would be so rude about another person free will to make a conscious choice for their own life. This was my first lesson in dealing with other people opinions and I fail majorly. I did all kinds of things to be liked by these people. Now that I'm older I try to teach my kids to never give their power away to people who do not respect, value, appreciate, or deserve your love and attention. 

Joyce Meyer came into my life during this time of struggle and pain. It was good timing because I was just begging my journey and transition into the trucking life. A role I struggled with dearly for years before learning how to cope as a trucker wife. During this season I studied Joyce teaching on approval addiction and begin to establish my relationship with God. Things begin to change for me. Not only did I renew my mindset. I begin on a journey of self awareness and healing of my childhood abandonment issues. I share this with you because I know many people are in pained struggling with these same issues. So I will leave you with this from Joyce Meyer teaching on approval addiction:

When we’re living to try to please others, we see our weaknesses as “curses.” They’re the things in our lives that we just can’t do anything about and will surely be our downfall in the end. It’s easy to see how this way of thinking can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The cure for this is simple: Give God not only what you are but especially give Him what you are not. It is easy to offer Him our strengths, but we should also offer Him our weaknesses because His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

The apostle Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:9"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me NIV. Don't hold anything back; give God everything!


With that said go out in the world today and give it your all. 

It doesn't matter if other support you or not. Do it afraid. Do it with passion. Do it because it's your choice. -Nikki Letoya White

Be Inspired!!!

Warrior Chic
XOXO

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