Married to a Trucker: Husband Home Checklist

Husband Home Checklist

Get hair done.
Get nails done.
Shave legs.
Cook his favorite meal.
Get kids to bed early.
Run hot bubble bath to share.
Get out of tub/ check on kids.

It’s been three weeks since he was home last. Alone time finally!!!!!

Only to come back to bedroom to find husband sound asleep in the bed.

Sleep tight honey we will try again tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!

I laugh now as I read those words I wrote in 2009. 
As I reread this blog and update the post in hope that some lonely, confused, frustrated trucker wife will find clarity, hope, and inspiration to live her best life through my words and life experiences. 

Yes, as I lay all my vulnerabilities down for the world to see the truth that not every marriage is perfect, nor is any human on this earth perfect but the common theme as you will see while reading this blog is that although we are far from perfect what we all have in common is our ability and will to choose to grow, develop, and change as we get wiser.  

These were my thoughts as a young novice trucker wife. Some days it’s easy and others it’s hard to function. Many days my heart ache for him to be home to spend time with me and our four children. I've come believe they missed him just as much as I did. We have a lots of ups and downs but we always seem to work it out. I've said this a million times to all of the trucker wives I counsel that it takes a strong independent special woman to live this life. It’s a life not meant for everyone that’s for sure. Not only do you have to cope but you have to train your kids to do the same. In the beginning I had to learn how to not only keep myself busy but I also had to keep my kids minds off of there father absence in their individual lives. What people just don't get is that the trucking lifestyle is full of lonely nights and busy days for the entire family.  It's not just about the wife!

Nowadays,  as a veteran trucker wife of 20+ years I can't help but count the blessing of just having him home safe and sound even if it is just for one night. Yes I still do all the above that was outline in 2009. And yes many times I enter the room and he is asleep and I just stare at how peaceful he looks when he is able to be home sleeping in his own comfortable bed far away in dream land. Gratitude explodes in my heart. During those times my heart valve is fully open. I can just feel the love flowing within. The hours of worry turn into moments of happiness filled with love. But I must keep it real, my life is far from ideal and I defiantly live a untraditional one. But it’s full of love, excitement, and a true understanding of what is important. 

It’s not important that he’s home for date night, bbq's, or dinner parties.  It’s only important that he is healthy, happy and safe. I've always been the one telling people to live life on your own terms and only do what you love. My hubby loves the world of trucking. At times I fine myself having self pity episodes feeling sorry for myself due to lonely moments and wishing I had a movie buddy but that’s all they are is moments. Then I remind myself it’s not about me and my feelings. My husband dream is to drive trucks and build a company he is proud of and one he can call his own. 

As a novice 20 year trucker wife I finally get! It’s about my husband building his trucking company. Living his dreams just as I too once had a dream to one day own my own private practice. I get it! Because I know how hard it is to build and manage a business on top of holding down the fort, raising four kids, and managing a long distance marriage. That takes a lot of hard work and determination. It makes me smile and love him even more to see that we both learn to honor our spirits and still put each other needs first. Marriage is hard work! But it's worthy it in the end. I applaud his effort daily!  It takes a lot of guts to get out there and sacrifice so much to see a life long dream come true. So no matter what I’ll be holding down the front and doing whatever it takes to nurture my marriage, prime my mindset to only focus on the good, and ensure my kids wellbeing is considered and taken care of because I've learned that it's not just about me there feelings matter too.  

The key to our success is simple-We are Grateful!

Being thankful is one of the most rewarding activities you can possibly do along with praying for your spouse.

Feeling gratitude not only helps you to feel good straight away, but it can also help you to soften your resistance about challenging situations. Situations such as how I used to be mad when my husband only had one night home. My attitude really got in the way of us creating a lot of special memories and spending time together that was truly a blessing in disguise. But I never looked at it that way. All I could see was the hate I had for his career, and especially that damn truck I thought he loved more than me. 

Yes, I can admit I made a lot of silly mistakes as a young trucker wife because of my pride, ego, and inability to deal with my childhood abandonment issues. I wanted my husband to make me happy and heal all my wounds. But as I learned to deal with my emotional childhood trauma I learned that the only obstacle that was in my way was myself. My distorted thinking. Yes, my husband response back then played a part too we both are to blame for many unnecessary arguments. But as a strong independent woman I must own up to my part. I learn a long time ago when I was working as a marriage and family counselor that most marriages fail because each spouse continue to point the fingers of blame to one another rather than owning up to their part in the equation. I've seen it time and time again. Although in my younger days we pointed the fingers at each other trying to get the other to confess. I never understood how a couple could sit in front of a stranger and belittle their spouse. I always tried to get them to see the bigger picture of marriage and how working as a team and learning how to respect, trust and uplift one another was more important than being right all the time. I share this concept because it too was a hard lesson I had to learn in my own marriage. Although i never belittled my spouse I did blame him for my unhappiness. The first step to even trying to see the bigger picture is learning how to be thankful for what God has blessed you with. The only obstacle to being thankful is simply not observing with attention. We grow used to our blessings and we start taking them for granted, without realizing that they truly are blessings.

For instance, we take for granted having even found a partner who is willing to put up with our emotional baggage and weakness in life. Having a partner who is a good provider and help support you with your own dreams, goals, and life values. Having a home to live in and vacation home to visit is truly a blessing. I recently had to be grateful for running water out of a tap - because a lot of my friends and family were affect by the recent hurricane Michael. Many homes were completely destroyed in my home town of Panama City, Florida and where my mom live in Marianna Florida. Can you image going weeks without water and power. Many people went days without food. You will quickly notice how difficult and time-consuming the most common tasks become when you don't have running water, a home, or even lights. 

You can overcome the tendency of taking things for granted by dedicating some time daily to developing an attitude of gratitude. 

Practicing gratitude each day...

You can choose to be thankful any time. For instance, I like starting my day by feeling gratitude while drinking my coffee and writing in my journal, practicing mind priming and creating my list of goals for the day. 

At the time of writing in 2009, I also keep a mind priming journal and I write a full page of affirmations in them I also gave thanks to things I was grateful for. In 2010, I started really focusing on nurturing my marriage and begin adding things I was thankful for in that area of my life. At times, I carry a gratitude rock to remind me to take a few moments to feel grateful for the things in my life. You can also take advantage of the opportunities that arise. 

What are YOU most thankful for? Rave about what makes your heart sing most as a mom and trucker wife?

Be Inspired!!!

Warrior Chic
XOXO