Confession Of a Nagging Wife

Hi Warrior Chics,

I must confess. In the beginning of my life being a trucker wife I was bad at nagging and complaining about my trucker leaving to go over the road. It took years before I saw the errors of my ways. Don’t judge, I’m a slow learner! During this time as a couple we endured many communication issues. First off, I didn’t try nor did I want to listen. Second, we both liked to assume things, which cause 80% of our conflicts. Last, no one wanted to admit the other was wrong. Instead, we continue to go around and around in circles of hate, resentment, and envy. Our once genuine friendship, attraction and peaceful household turned into a battleground for the devil to implement his evil plans. Something had to give! During this time I was also going through my own spiritual journey so of course it was me who initiated the change. I have learned that you can’t change anyone but your self. Therefore, I changed my mindset. I changed my respond. Last, I handed over the rest for God to sort through.

God’s heart and His character is to bless us, not to burden us.”

-Proverbs 10:20, NLT

The Shift

How to not go through what I went through. Ultimately, God calls us to take some risks to build our character and make us more like Him. I’m no way trying to take away the lesson you must learn within your relationship. Although being a counsellor and a trucker wife I can relate to your struggle. As your friendly guide I would advise:

First do all you can to show respect to your spouse. In no way ever make you spouse feel dumb, demean him and put him down. All men wants to feel like the king of his castle. A man needs to learn how to be nurturing too. However if his queen is insecure and responding in ways that are overbearing, controlling, and manipulative it’s kind of hard to be nurturing, don’t ya think. I must admit as a counselor this is in fact the perfect situation to apply the new skills a guy has learned to be nurturing. As a trucker wife I know it ain’t happening. We are talking about human being here, not robots. Men take that into consideration the next time your wife nags-do the shift apply your nurturing skills and see how fast your queen calms down off her nagging tantrum. It’s all about respect. Trucker Wives: Don’t be too pushy and aggressive. Trucker Husband: Don’t play the stubborn or avoidance card.

Next, many husband of my clients admit to their wives trying to do or say something to constantly keep the attention on themselves. Again I can relate. This is when you try to manipulate your hubby by bringing up drama so he will feel bad for you in order to get attention or to get your way. Come on ladies don’t act like I’m the only trucker wife that does this. I must admit I was the queen of using the kids to get my hubby to change his mind about doing something. Don’t judge, I was lonely. I would tell him how much they cried after he left. (Guilt-Trip Play) How much they missed their father. (Priming Him to Take the Bait) Why don’t you book a closer load so you can be home in two days rather than three weeks. ( Got’em, Worked Like a Charm) I must admit back then I had it bad. To be real I had no life outside of his. However I have learned to give him space and respect.

Finally, I learn to communicate correctly. It took some time but I finally learned that I needed a new approach. 

1. I stop playing guilt trip games. Instead I acted like a adult.

2. I stop assuming. Instead I started to ask and tell. 

3. I stop getting mad about something and keeping it to myself. When something bothered me I asserted myself. This was BIG I have always had issues asserting myself due to the need to please and avoid conflict. Your hubby can’t help you nor can he be sensitive to your needs if he doesn’t know what they are. 

4.  I being to act like a child again I created wonder in our marriage. Wonder is when you become curious about people and things in life. I had stopped doing this. I became to serious with the responsibilities that have come within our life: bills, parenting, household management, and work. I was too busy, angry, and sweat the small stuff way too much. The shift came when I intentionally saw my husband as a person. I learn to think about and wonder who he was as a person, as a father, a son, a bother, a friend, and a man in general. I being to wonder about his personal interests, and not just focus on his role as a truck driver. That was what he did for a living not who he was as a man. 

5. I learned to carry on good conversations. This too was very hard for me because I only like to talk when I’m having meaningful deep conversations about life. That’s why I work so much. I love to hear what makes people tick. I crave whats going on in the lives of others and how we tend to deal with our problems as a unique individual. So to do this I had to learn how to ask fun questions like “If you had a million dollars what would you do with? Or, if you were stranded on a desert island what essentials would you have to have, beside me of course? These types of conversations  makes things fun and interesting.

6. I learned to be honest about my struggles. Although we may see our loved ones every day smiling and laughing at our jokes and we can live with this person and still don’t know that person or understand their struggle. I had a client who's husband was a over the road truck driver and she was taking care of the fort and raising her son who she thought was a happy kid until he tried to commit suicide because he was being cyber bullied by kids at school. You never know what’s going on unless people feel comfortable enough to express their issues with you without feeling threaten, judged or criticized by being honest. Therefore,I no longer played the role of Miss Perfect! Where everything had to be perfect including my marriage and spouse. Shit happens! We just have to learn how to deal with it in a positive way together as a team. This brought back the easy going playful side of me. I stop trying to be somebody I’m wasn’t. I felt free to just be me. Sassy, Chic, Weird and Fun! 

Bottomline 

The goal here is to be straightforward with your trucker. Most men don’t seem to read into stuff as deeply as women and sometimes can’t take a hint to save their lives. If you had fun tell him. He will do more of that thing. If he did something inappropriate or offensive just be up front and let him know, “Hey buddy the other night when such and such happen it wasn’t cool. You made me feel like….

I’m not starting anything I’m just letting you know so you can be aware and fix it so it want happen again. Thanks for listening love ya have a wonderful day. Offer tons of Hugs and Kisses to show the conversation was not meant to be a threat, just a friendly warning! Then go on about your business. Point Blank! Straight forward and honest. It’s his choice to follow suit! 

Hope this helps!

Warrior Chic 

XOXO