Understanding Men What are They Thinking…About Trucker Wives? My Trucker Wife Has Gone Nuts!

Hi Warrior Chics,

Happy Friday! Today I want to express to all of you how very proud I am of your boldness of living this very unconventional lifestyle of life as a trucker wife. I’ve had a pretty interesting month for the start of 2016. I decided to change a lot this year. I was told by my clients to get back to writing on the loner wife blog. I was told to be more social and less private about the things I’m doing with my business Spiced Life Conversation. They say, many people need the information and could possibly heal in the process. So, here I am.  Trying to fulfill the goal of expressing myself and what I learn everyday during my own life as being a trucker wife. Throughout my counseling sessions. Also, during professional organizing projects. Each projects somehow turn into a coffee and conversation sessions before the decluttering and minimalist even begins, that’s just how life goes for me. 

 My Crazy Life As A Trucker Wife!!!

It’s funny how your life lessons turns into a teaching moment for others to learn and grow from. My entire life I’ve always been that go-to person who people come to when they want a shoulder to lean on or a word of insight or encouragement. For the past 7 years I’ve been a Therapist offering advice and suggestions to people who struggle with emotional and life management issues. I have always had a desire to help people and see them succeed. I can’t even count the number of times when I’m out in about running personal errands or at a truck stop and someone struck up a conversation, and had them tell me, “I fell like I’ve known you all of my life,” or “I can’t believe I’m telling you this. I had one of my kids teacher discuss her frustration in the middle of a conference and she realized what she had said and apologized and respond with, “I’ve never shared this with anyone.” I just smile and replied, “I’ve been told I’m really easy to talk, for some reason people feel like they can tell me anything it’s all good, your frustration is safe with me I’m not going to tell, I just hope the venting made you feel better.” Of course it did and guess who became my next client!

How Your Work life Can Humble You!

I think most people are drawn to me because I do not judge. I have the ability to listen to people and not jude them no matter what their life circumstance may be. I believe my time working in the mental health field as a Individual and Family Therapist awaken me to how bad some people really have it. Living with poverty, abuse, mental disorders, being raped at a early age, substance abuse, and being abandon and having no family to care about you or give support in time of crisis is really hard to bare. After all I’ve seen I can’t help but be humble and grateful.  

I have a client that I’ve been working with where caregiver comes naturally. I mean she takes care of everyone. With out breaking client confidentiality all I can say is she put everyone else needs before her own and she just can’t understand why her hubby refuse to change. Now, I begin working with her before her husband choose to enter the trucking field. Things just took a turn for the worse after he went over the road. 

My client has many personal issues that she is trying to work through from childhood, that makes it hard to live a individual life aside from her married life. In order to cope she must feel needed. Her payoff to achieve this goal is by complying to everybody demands. She reminds me of myself. I too struggled with childhood abandonment issues that triggered when my hubby left to work as a over the road commercial truck driver. I also and a strong need to please others. So I understand how she feels. 

But as I grew and developed throughout my spiritual journey, I have learned to care less and less about what others think of me. I have also learned how to respect and love my self from the life lesson I have endured. Today other people opinions doesn’t bother me at all. I know who I am and what I have to offer, and no one can take that away from me or detract from it. I had to learn how to love myself enough to realize that who I am and what I can accomplish have everything to do with what I put into it. I used to give my power away to others when I people pleased and cared what they thought of me. Today, I don’t need the validation of other people for me to feel good about myself or to assess what I have to offer the world. Today I just think a thought and if it makes me feel good I express it or turn it into a reality. In that my friend is what I want her to see and learn so she can move forward. I also want the same thing for your life!

Many of my clients  are suffering from many of the same issues. Many lack a sense of self and don’t have a individual life aside their marriage. When the time comes for their trucker to leave to go out over the road the shit hits the wall due to three reason. They feel abandon, scared, and rejected.  They blow up at their husband because in their minds they should stay home with them so they feel secure. So they can have someone to talk to and watch television with after work. Bottomline: they expect their trucker to make them happy. Without their presence they feel lost, unhappy and insecure. This is because just as I once did my clients are waiting to live their own life for when they are with their trucker. 

The Problem

I’ve seen this a dozen times. Hell I‘ve done it myself. After the first date there is usually a lot of texting and calls. We’re happy, blinded by attraction and lust. Then we make the most stupid decision in the world. We leave our friends to pursue a guy. A guy typically won’t do that. Women on the other hand makes a guy her world quickly. We need to stop that! However, this goes to show one of our talents we are very persistent. To heal from this we must turn a bad habit into a good one. Let’s used this talent in a positive way. 

Everyone knows that guys love a bit of a chase. When you first started dating you made it hard for him. Right? You played hard to get. Once you became a couple or got married you made everything easy by complying and agreeing to everything he wanted or needed. Stop this. Don’t make it too easy. I don’t care if you are married, you must still leave a little mystery and intrigue within the relationship. This is what keeps thing interesting. 

Your Shift

So ladies, the next time your trucker goes off over the road. Give him a standing ovation. Pack his bag, make him lunch, give him a snack basket with his favorite goodies include a sweet thoughtful note, and offer plenty of hugs and kisses when you walk him to the door or truck. Do not show him the woman he expects to see. The sad, guilt-trip, unsupportive, nagging wife. No, today my friend show him a loving, supportive, happy wife. Trust me it works. What keeps most guys from stepping up and putting forth an effort for change is the fear of rejection. Men need to feel confident on their own and be aware of who they are. They can’t do that in a hostile negative environment. If you show a grateful attitude toward your trucker,acknowledging his efforts and that he has goals, and a life also, that goes a long way. 

The goal is to show that you have a life apart from your marriage. Don’t be so quick to reply to everything; save a little bit of mystery. Rid the neediness and clinginess it’s a turn off. What keeps a man intrigued in a relationship is the woman’s ability to have her own interests that are separate from his own. He want to see you passionate about your life and express excitement about the things you love. He already know that you like to eat dinner and watch movies. What else are you capable of? You have a lot more to offer you just haven’t stepped out your comfort zone long enough to find that thing that lights you up. Start today: Discover your vocation, your individuality. Give the marriage some space. Find your sense of self you deserve to have a happy life! If it’s meant to be, then absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Fourteen years ladies it ain’t easy but it’s well worth. Keep rolling on!

Hope this helps!!!

Warrior Chic

XOXO