The Secret To Closer Long Distance Relationships!!!

Trucker wives here's a tip I give my clients when they tend to have communication issues with their man. This simple suggestion could shift your relationship. It worked for me and over 3,000 Trucker Wives!

Many of you know I am a lifetime learner. I'm constantly taking continuing education classes and researching information that could help my clients live a better quality of life. Well this information is what I learned in a course I took on healthy relationships. I use this truth to help my clients shift to a new way of thinking and I hope it will be helpful for you and your marriage. 

The Simple Truth

Relationships can be hard enough as it is. Trying to cope with a long distance marriage seems hopeless at times.  After all, you have two or more people who come together to interact and each has a series of unique life experiences and expectations based upon their upbringing, education, or culture. Each of us has different perspectives, wants and needs, and no two people are alike. 

Too often we operate on the assumption that "the rest of the world is like me and sees things the way I do." Wrong.
The world is a melting pot of differing perspectives, opinions, and beliefs. I can't stress this enough to my clients. The biggest problem in working to improve relationships is getting people to look within themselves. Typically people will go to all sorts of extremes to avoid any type of introspection. They find this frightening and will fight like cats to avoid it. These folks are the ones you see with a series of broken relationships littering their lives, frequently accompanied by drug and alcohol use. They self-medicate to avoid looking within. Others stay constantly busy to keep their mind occupied. After all, if their mind is active on something else, it can't be focused on them.

Many of my clients continue to play the same belief tape. They all seem to want to say that "other people" are responsible for how they feel. I have to give them a reality check. They aren't. You are. Each situation in life involves a choice, and how you feel about it. You and you alone make the choice. Many have this belief due to childhood programming and many have issues with being autonomous.  

Autonomy issues are when couples enter in relationships and depend on their partner to make them happy or whole. These relationships are not healthy relationships. Healthy relationships are where each party maintains autonomy. Neither party depends on each other to make them happy or whole. Within themselves they realize they are complete without any outside help. If you have autonomy, you are not depending on the other person to complete you. 

Many of my clients have a hard time when their spouse leave to go on the road. They can't cope with being alone. They have a hard time holding down the fort and balancing the household on their own while parenting, working and trying to balance a personal life. All of this is stressful. Then having to get in wife mode when the hubby returns home can be down right exhausting. Many of my clients say they need their hubby home because that's their soul mate and they hate being apart. I can relate. I used to say the same thing until I made my shift in mindset. 

What is this shift? 

Well you may think just as my clients once did and I once had- that your husband is your soulmate who completes you and makes you happy. You may feel that he completes you, but the truth is he will never make you happy or cause you to choose how to feel. It has nothing to do with the other person. So, if you are looking for Mr.  Right to "make you happy" you are in for a big surprise -- and disappointment, just as I was. Your hubby can certainly enrich your existence, but giving him the burden of making you happy, or fulfilling you, is going to result in a problem. Then you too will book a session with Spiced Life Conversation, LLC!

I learned from Michael Ryce, a spiritual teacher and author, he notes in his book, "Why Is This Happening To Me ... AGAIN?!" that what we need to realize is that we can move to Anchorage or the middle of the rain forest, and we will still have ourselves and our feelings.  Every time we have an experience with another person that is disappointing to us, we need to realize that the common denominator in the situation is us. By doing this you take the focus off of the other person, and look to yourself to see what it is within you that is lacking and causing you to continue to have these experiences. Where ever you go, you are there and the problem will continue with you until you address it within yourself. 

There are many people who cannot live unless they have a man or woman in their lives. It makes no difference who it is, as long as it is someone else. Often times, this someone ends up being a series of someones. This would stop if they would look within themselves and heal personal problems. However, most people will continue searching outside themselves for happiness and never find it. What they do find are repeat performances of the same problems they have had in the past -- only with a new person.

So what is this secret? The secret is working on you and taking the focus off what is going wrong in your relationship. 

The Solution: Do This Exercise to Help Shift your Marriage.

When dealing with other people one of the key things to do is: Listen. 

How rare this is. Next time you are around a group of people, listen to them and watch them interact. Most of the time they are either talking over each other, not listening to the other person because they are too busy formulating what they want to say back, or are simply off in the ethers thinking about dinner. There are very few people who actually listen to what the other person is saying. 

The Art of Listening is just that. Really tune in to what the person is saying. We all want to be heard and feel that what we are saying matters. If you listen and are unclear about something, politely say, "I 'm sorry, I want be sure I understood," or simply repeat, "I am understanding you to say...." You are better off being clear, than having a miscommunication. 

When talking with people and listening, you need to remember that each person has an opinion and, whether we like it or not, they are entitled to have it. By doing this on a daily basis with your friends and family you will start anew habit and it will automatically carry on into your married life with your hubby. Trust me he will notice a change.  We can't get invested or hung up on the fact that their opinion may differ from ours. Simply show respect by listening and consider another person's perspective. Who knows? We may learn something.

I hope this help.

Be Inspired

Warrior Chic

XOXO