Long Distance Marriage Advice: Why Can't We Just Get Along?

"How great the world would be if everyone in it were like me."
How many people think like that? Probably more than we care to acknowledge. However, this world is a hodgepodge of different ideas, beliefs, opinions, and viewpoints -- so many that at times it would be difficult to impossible to get any two people agree 100 percent on anything.
When differences occur we have a tendency to judge the other person. Especially when that difference is on a major issue that is strongly believed. What happens  is that people become committed to their "positions"-- they are certain they are right,  their way is the best way, and their way is the only way. 
This all boils down to ego. Eckhart Tolle explains in his book, "The New Earth,"that ego is what separates us from each other. Ego wants to be special, to stand out, to be right, and to be separate.When Ego is in control, often  relationships will fail, and people separate.
Each person or entity -- be it a political club, or a friend from a small town in Iowa -- has a certain way of looking at things. Many people are quite fixed that theirs is definitely the right and only way. Countries have gone to war over individual fixed positions.
The ego loves conflict and separation and our society is very ego based. Competition is encouraged and you are defined by what you are -- doctor, lawyer, bus driver -- more than who you are.
Many people feel their mission in life is to fix you. The fix will resemble their concept of what that should look like. Once this is accomplished, then you will be okay, and we can get along. Until then you are separate from others and need repair.
According to Transactional Analysis, each of us will see the world according to these life positions:
 
1) I'm Ok, You're Ok: This means what it says. We see both ourselves and others as OK just the way they are. 
2) I'm OK, You're Not OK. Here we see ourselves as the one who is fine and other people are the ones we need to fix.
3) You're OK and I am Not OK. In this position we see others as superior and ourselves as inferior to others.
4) You're not OK and I am not OK. This position is one of depression and despair. People in this position see both as not OK.

In some situations we may feel we are okay, but the other person is not. Or we may feel that the other person is fine, and we aren't. Our positions can shift and change with the experience. However, you will find that there is one position that most people will operate out of more than others on a regular basis.
Many people spend their lives living from the position that they cannot be happy until the other person changes. Until this happens, they are miserable.

What if the person or situation never does change? Will they spend their lives fighting a winless battle? Some will. 
Do people really need fixing, or are they just on a learning path that is different from ours? Is it worth our time, effort, and energy to force them to change so we can be alright? If they do change, can we then be alright -- really? 

No matter what we do, there is no guarantee that anyone will ever change -- and if they did, how much time and energy would it take to get them to change? And would they then be to our liking and acceptance? Those who are bent on forcing compliance out of others are fighting a losing battle and empowering their ego. 

From a healthy relationship standpoint, it is better for us to simply realize that others are different and that no two people are alike. We are all on a journey of growth and understanding.
Be Inspired
Warrior Chic
XOXO

To learn more I recommend the Healthy Relationship course at UniveralClass.com it's very interesting and educational. I Learn a lot!!!

Comments

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  2. Nikki LeToya WhiteMay 12, 2016 at 4:28 AM

    Thank you! I really enjoyed the course. This lesson really touched me so I thought I would share it for the intention of it helping someone else. Be blessed and thank you for your lovely response. Best wishes and many blessing to you.

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  4. Nikki LeToya WhiteMay 21, 2016 at 11:05 AM

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Are you unsure about what decisions to make? Or you need assistant or just want to have a conversation about getting healthy and eating clean email me for a friendly chat. I would love to have a conversation about eating healthy or just living as a trucker wife. warriorchiclifestyle@yahoo.com

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