Long Distance Marriage Advice: I Enjoy Being Alone But I Get Lonely

In long distance marriage we sometimes argue and find ourselves living a experience of miscommunication because we feel like our spouse isn't living up to his or her end of the bargain. When we don’t feel heard, respected, and have feelings of insecurity our emotions can quickly lead to resentment and conflict. 

Communication is the obvious cornerstone of a healthy and thriving marriage. Many couples mistakenly think they have great communication between them when they regularly talk about their mutual issues including finances and the children. Those are the necessities of life and it would be hard to have a productive family and household environment if you ignored those issues. However, just because you share pleasure in common everyday life issues doesn’t mean you communicate effectively when it comes to the important issues within your life or marriage. 

Many of my clients come to me complaining about how there spouse never make time for them when they come home from off the road. Many will be present for sex then they disappear to do their own thing. I ask my clients are they working or off when their spouse is home? Almost all my clients are working during the time their spouse is home. I then ask what do they expect their spouse to do when they are home? Be home is the answer I get 90% of the time. I then ask do you feel it’s ok for your spouse to run his errands, see his family and friends during the hours you are at work then be home when you get off? Of course they say yes. The obvious thing here is to rethink your communication skills. The light bulb comes on and they almost always response, “Well I didn’t think of it like that!” 

Many arguments and conflicts can be avoided if only you be honest regarding your needs. Communicate in a way that doesn’t push your spouse away. Give your spouse the love,  trust and respect you wish to receive. It’s all comes down to being conscious in our thoughts, and behavior. We can’t change, control and nagging people into doing what we want. Although we can create a line of open communication, trust and respect that our spouse will do the right thing. The only way to rid our insecurities, fear and angry is to pray about our troubles. Cast our fears and burdens over to the God within. Let him do only what he can do (soften the hearts of our loved ones) this is out of our control. Our job is to pray and depend on God for these types of things. He can’t work within your life until you get out of the way. 

What Worked For Me!

I’ve found that when my husband is over the road I have to react, response, and communicate a little different then I would if he was home with me. I don’t nag or complain about the kids and other things he can’t do anything about. He’s not here and honestly it’s not his problem. Therefore I deal with it the best I can until he comes home. Nine times out of ten the issues is resolved before he even returns home. I do this for three reasons:

1. I don't want to spring an emotional discussion on him while he's’ driving his shift. It’s not smart to distract him while he’s driving for the safety of others as well as the safety of himself. 
2. It’s hard to co-parent when you are thousand miles away. When he’s thousand of miles away what can he do besides worry and have a bad day because of the news he can’t do anything about. 
3. I have learned to pray first and response second. This way I give the issue to someone who can handle things better than me or my spouse. The solutions is always off our radar because we can’t see the bigger picture sometimes due to angry and only thinking about our needs being unmet.  Therefore I trained myself to pray first and wait for direction before I response. Devon and I work as a team. If  something is important and I need his assistance he is there to intervene and lend a helping hand. But I have trained myself to be as independent as possible because he can’t and wont be there to rescue me for every little problem. That’s the life we agreed to. 

Someone has to take the lead when it comes to changing the dynamic of your marriage and there is no better candidate than you. Think about the way you guys communicate and start shifting the response into the direction of love, respect and honor. When things get bad pray about it then listen for direction. Do this for at least 21 days to see how things change. Come back to visit and let me know how things turn out. 

Love and Blessing

Be Inspired

Warrior Chic

XOXO